|What a splendid day for a bit of jolly old fun! It may be dull and dreary outside, but here in Cuthbert Crowser's Exciting Egg Environment there's gaboodles of larks to be had, and I've got some special tickets to hand out to all the lucky boys and girls. Unlucky get nowt and be grateful for it, I don't want you defiling my glorious palace with your foul, malformed parts.
Back to the delights! Cuthbert Crowser's Exciting Egg Environment has the finest produce this side of Hull. A rainbow of birds (rainbow in shades of black, brown, albine) laying 24 hours of day a delightful range of sizes to tickle your fancy. Caress the eggs, roll them in the palm of your hands and over your neck and your knees! Do not bite the egg.
Gawp and splutter as our trained chefs (raddled monks from Scarborough) cook all permutations of egg: fried; scrambled; scotched; devilled; piebald; boiled; curdled; coddled spunkened; poached; murdeled; gluttoned; baked. Submit your own recipes and watch in glee as they whip them up. Do not anger the monks.
Fester in the moat of meat, that surrounds the magic Isle. Premium meat product: pig steak, wilderbeest loin, platypus brain and liver. And more! Cuthbert Crowser's Exciting Egg Environment has patented arterie algae and saliva duct pond scum. Fresh froth daily!
The great crow of Eggmount will carry you to the magic Isle, where you will worship at temple of golden egg. Prostrate yourself before its mesmerising ovoid wholeness. Commune with the egg, let it tell you its secrets. There is special prize for those who please the igg.
Come to Cuthbert Crowser's Exciting Egg Environment! You will not be disappointed! I do not disappoint. I am Cuthbert Crowser!