The goaste joke list, part 1

Q. Where does astronaut keep egg?
A. egg cuoboaird

Q: Who started the great fire of London?
A: Ultra Jesus

Q: God walked into bar, and then destroyed it with lightning!
A: Snow joke

Q. A man walks into?
A. Ouch! I killed him with an iron bar!

Q: What is the capital of England?
A: E!! (NO! I mean Hull)


Q: Who started the Bubonic Plague?
A: Evile Noele Edmendse

Q: What's the time, Mr Wolf?

Q: What did you get for Christmas?
A: Shot

Q: What did you get your mum for christmas?
A: An enormous fake cock fashioned out of sausagemeat and eggs

Q: Why did chicken cross road?

Q: Why did the turkey cross the road?
A: Chased by rapist with knife and gun

Q: Why did rapist cross road?
A: Gary Glitter

Q: Why did Gary Glitter cross the road?
A: Michael Jackson

Q: Why did Hitler egg cross road?
A: Fascism

Q: Why did Toxteth eat crow?
A: She live in Birnmiengham!

Q. Who dib it?
A. Why do to me?

Q. Which dog ate the bone?
A. Dog 29.

Q: Two men walk into a pub
A: Thats not a question

Q: Why did the horse walk into the pub?
A: It was being chased by the queen

Q) Knock knock
A) Who's there?

Q) When was the RSPCA founded?
A) 1824

Q) Joke!
A) Laughter!

Q) What are you doing in here?
A) Sorry, I saw the door was open, so I just popped in to make sure everything was alright.

Q. What is woman's name?
A. Murgatroid

Q: How many shitehawks does it take to screw in a light-bulb?
A: I'm drunk!

Q) Did you hear about the man with an elephant's cock for a head?
A) I expect not. It was all hushed up by the authorities!

Q) How many people can live in a garden shed?
A) Up to 19, if they are immigrants.

(joke courtesy of The Evening Standard, March 8th, 2005)

Q) How many cadets does it take to pull a jet engine along the M4?
A) Forty!

(joke courtesy of The Basingstoke Courier, April 10th, 2005)

Q: Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
A: Because it was dead.

Q. What is the best number?
A. Bisto 70

Q. What is the worst number?
A. Bisto 71

Q. What did Edric shoot bear?
A. With gun!

Q. I'm hungry
A. No you aren't

Q. Pipe?
A. Irony!