Q. What do you call a man with a turnip on his head?
A. Turnip head

Q. What do you call a man with a carrot on his head?
A. Carrot head

Q. What do you call a man with an onion on his head?
A. Smash mouth

Q. What do you call a man with a cabbage on his head?
A. You avoid him

Q. What do you call a man with a portal on his head?

Q. What do you call a man with a man with a man with a man with a man with a man with a man with a man with a man with a man with a man with a man with a man with...

Q. What happens when you put a skull on a mantlepiece?
A. You discover all the answers

Q. what happen to witch?
A. crushed by giant falling skull

Q. Why is The Ipswich Ripper so very tired these days?
A. He lives on a farm

Q. What do the following have in common, 'Cambridge Special', 'Irish Elegance' and 'Jade Cross'?
A. They are all Brussel

Q. Who is your favourite person
A. Hitler

Q. Knock knock
A. Hitler

Q. Knopfen-knopfen
Q. grok-grok
Q. Grok-a-grok-a
A. Hitler

A. Hitler

Q. What is the worst type of clown?
A. Assclown

Q. The carraige picks up speed, hurling itself past horrific yawning dark barn-structures, and my m´┐Żuth takes on a similar shape as though in a panicked rush to conform. I plunge my fist into it in an attempt to pacify
A. You are on a train

Q. What is a type of clown that makes you feel pity
A. Weeping Black Hole Clown

Q. How are they, Ralph? Good?
A. They taste like buuurrrning

Q: What is the best Dr Who story ever?
A: Doctor Who and the Coins of BELMOS

Q. Why am i lauighing so much?
A. I am not sure

Q. If come across bear
A. Tear at it with your hands. Tear

Q. Rude boat name
A. HMS Clindial Bumwake

Q. Lynndie England
A. Tears open arab's nutsack while he shrieks. Then she electrocutes him.

Q. What should you do if raped
A. Run away afterwards

Q. What is Hitler's name
A. Staatmeister

Q. What is Hitlers job?
A. Dancing

Q. Why did Hitler cross the road?
A. Bandy legs

Q. What goes well with bread
A. Beard

Q. What happened to crow
A. Beak fell off

Q. David Bowie was walking down the street
A. He tripped on a stone, but managed to make it look like part of a dance move. Later on the move became fashionable, in a craze that swept the world

Q. What is wrong with Hitlers face?
a. Hitler is dead

Q. What happened to The Twang?
A. They were so mediocre that they faded into the Second Dimension, only able to exist as whispers in the ears of mammals

Q. What the difference between alex ferguson and james brown?
A. James brown dead

Q. Is this the end for volcano-Hilter?
A. Hsusssssssssssssssssh

Q. What wrong with Alex Ferguson face?
A. Heating system malfunction

Q. What happen?
A. Terrible explosion :'<(

Q. Any survivors?
A. Just me, and I lost all fingernails ++DISPLAYS HANDS++

Q. Who is your best friend?
A. Andrew Bumgate

Q. Who is your nan?
A. Andrew Bumgate's nan

Q. What are your crimes?
A.1. Rape
A.2. Theft

Q. where does egg come out
A. vagina/anus (cloaca)

Q. What happened to woman?
A. She laid the egg (the female dies after laying the egg)

Q. What is the difference between the Chinese and the Japanese
A. One is more warlike

Q. Why are my arms all yellow
A. I am some sort of snake. With arms. Yellow arms

Q. David Bowie is on a train. Where does he get off?
A. Turkey Street

Q. What long and thin and on fire?
A. Arm

Q. What go vroom vroom and on fire?
A. CAr

Q. What gay and on fire?
A. Spake

Q. What would be your final words, after bear attack?
A. I don't believe it! I thought I would BE AR-ound for ever

Q: Why baby girl born so small?
A: Mother loves her cigarettes

Q) What did the little baby boy say to his considerably chested mother?
A) "Gimme summadat milk, mama!"

Q) What was the first thing Tom Cruise did with his beautiful new child?
A) He blew it up with a rocket-launcher

Q) What's significant about the 1st of January?
A) It's the start of the year

Q) What should you do if someone "pops a cap in your ass"?
A) Remove the headgear from your anus and burn it, urgently.

Q. What is wrong?

Q: Why am I weeping uncontrollably?
A: Everything

Q. Where is the only working toilet in Britain?
A. Maldon

Q: Why am I weeping uncontrollably?
A: Overworked penos

Q. Weeeeeeeeeeeeeep
A. Shut up

Q. Andrew, you want cialis?
A. yes

Q. What comes out of men's bums?
A. poos

Q. What comes out of ladies' bums?
A. eggs

Q. What come out of gay man's bum?
A. poo-egg


Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: Beak treatment

Q) Why did the chicken cross the road?
A) Because it was being sucked into the vortex on the opposite side of the road.

Q) Why did the chicken cross the road?
A) Because it was drunk

Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?
A. It was made of metal, and there was a magnet on the other side

Q. Why did the German cross the road?
A. He was still feeling guilty about the war

Q: Why did the unemployed man cross the road?
A: Copy of the Daily Mirror and 20 B&H please

Q. Why did David McPipehelm cross the road
A. There was an unthrottled black man on the other side

Q. ?

Q. Why was the road cross?
A. Despite signs saying "unsuitable for heavy loads", lorries and large trucks kept using it as a short cut between the depot and the factory

Q. Mother please tell me why I must eat these sprouts they are disgusting
A. Shut up and eat your sprouts or I will stab you and force several sprouts into the wound

Q: When is father coming home?
A: He is never coming home

An Englishmen, another Englishman and another Englishman walk into a pub. They get drunk and start a fight and kill each other for no reason whatsoever

Q. A Scotsman walks into a pub
A. The pub falls away, and he drifts into the void

Q. An Irishman sits down on a chair.
A. The chair unexpectedly moves at the last minute, and the Irishman falls over. He turns around and looks at the chair to see that maybe, just maybe, the chair was laughing at him

Q. An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar.
A. They see a black man, and agree to put aside their differences in order to fight this greater evil

Q) What did the man say to the sad bear?
A) "Swan"'s the matter?

A grizzly bear, a Koala bear and a Polar bear walk into a bar, and as the evening progresses share rounds of drinks and enjoy each others' company. However, as time went on things became really quite lairy. At one point, the grizzly misjudged the content of a joke and managed to offend the Polar bear. The koala bear attempted to nullify the situation, by getting between the great beasts before trouble started. This, though, was met with a swift strike from the grizzly bear, killing cheeky Sammy the koala instantly

Q. What is mans favourite invention?

Q. What is wo-mans favourite invention?
A. Shoes (made by robot)

Q. What is robot's favourite invention?
A. Kia-Ora.

Q. How do you know that my back hurts?
A. I've been spine on you
Q. Seriously though?
A. You keep wincing and rubbing your back. I'm no doctor, but it's the only logical conclusion

An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman walk into a bar, and first they go and buy a drink each. The Englishman and the Irishman both have a pint of Carling as it's 2-for-1 and they're both skint, but the Scotsman gets a Guinness, which I think you'll agree was unexpected. They sit down at a nearby table (it's Tuesday evening so they have no trouble getting a seat) and have quite a pleasant evening, slightly marred by the Englishman's ex-girlfriend turning up and shouting at him drunkenly. After she's gone, it's not quite the same, and they all go to their respective homes. The Scotsman gets a kebab and the man in the takeaway struggles a bit with his accent, which gets stronger when he's been drinking. The next day the Irishman wakes up with a banging headache and checks his phone to find an amusingly poorly spelled message, relayed by the Scotsman's drunken thumbs

Knock Knock
[ answer...]
[ answer...]

It turned out she wasn't home. He had walked all that way for nothing. As he turned away, a silent tear froze on his cheek. He tightened the straps on his rucksack and slowly began walking

Q. Why didn't the man cross the road?
A. So many reasons

Q. Why did the Turkey cross the road?
A. Bird flu related punchline!

Q. How did the turkey cross the road?
A. It "flu"!!!

Q) What did the man say to hungry chicken?
A) Quack! (The man was a duck. Also, the chicken was a duck.)

Q - What's eating Gilbert Grape?
A - A Land Shark

Q - What's better than driving at night?
A - Driving at a Knight. (In order to defeat him)

Q - What's the nation's favourite catchphrase?
A - "Things are going outta control"

Q. Thatcher I love you

Q - What's the best kind of company for a dinner party?
A - Ham-O-Jointa

Q - What happens when man finally destroys Earth?
A - He will begin his assault on the Kingdom of Heaven

Q: Why does mother never stop weeping?
A: That is not mother. It is a wooden man with tears painted onto his face

Q: What is the wooden man doing now?
A: Just staring...staring at us with his sightless eyes

Q: Sometimes late at night I hear a clacking noise.
A: That is the sound of the wooden man's jaws as he feasts

Q: Can the wooden man be stopped?
A: No. He will destroy us all

Q: Hold me.
A: It is too late. The wooden man is ARGHRRRRCLACKCLACKCLACKCLACK

Q. which one of girls aloud is sesiest
A. racist

Q. Global warming solution
A. enormous anus folds out of the sun

Q. Tony Bears
A. Satire

Q. Which tea is worst?
A. New kettle tea

Q. What is Jeremy Clarkson's favourite car?
A. The Velocet Pangrans Ultra

Q. What is Jeremy Clarksons favourite wig?
A. The cleanest one

Q. What is the best part of Jeremy Clarkson?
A. Enormous malformed penissss

Q: Uentin Tarantino favourite song
A. The Pusher

Q. Sting favourite song?
A. Alright now

Q. What did Noel Edmonds do to the black man?
A. Dropped him from a crane

Q. Jereamy Calrkson favourite sonfg
A. Dsico Inferno

Q. Clackson favourtie pie
A. carbon pie

Q. What clampson's favourite tv progreame
A. Vesting With Juniper

Q. What's the worst thing about Alan Sugar?
A. Weird neck-beard

Q. Whats the second woprst thing about Alan Sugar
A. His horribly deformed hand

Q. What would happen if Jeremy Beadle and Alan Sugar met up,
A. and started touching their knacked hands together and stroking each other's neck-beards

Q. oh no my joke was that alan sugar looked like jeremey beadle
A. does he actually have a knacked hand then i hope so

Q. I don''t think he has defromed knacked hands.
A. You have confused him with Alex Kid

Q. What's the best thign about Araldite?
A. Fumes

Q. What's the best thign aboiut wiytch?
A. ripped tits

Q. Why did the dog have a funny wig on?
A. Its mother was dead

Q. What is the best food ever
A. Flaxseed Oil

Q. Why is Ricky Gervais shaped like that
A. Flanged bowels

Q. What is Ricky Gervais' favourite food
A. crab sundae

Q. Why are Ricky Gervaius' teeth so sharp
A. for breaking the shells of crabs

Q. WHy is Ricky Gervais such a smug cunt?
A. He just is

Q. Yes
A. I think I've gone right off Gervais. I loved him in the
A2. Office days, but two series of mostly rubbish Extras, and that awful Shandling interview, and...and his face on the poster for his new show, and the title of his new show,
A3. all conspire to pangrify the hatred

Q. What is the name of Ricky Gervais' son
A. Eldritch Pangrans

Q. What is ironic about gervaids irony?
A. It isn't ironic at all

Q. Yes i quite liked him on the 11 o cock show i understood his ironically prejudiced ways and The Orifice was quite funny sometimes with its well observed funnyness
A. But now he is a smug. He reminds me of someone else i used to like but then i realised was a bit of a smug wanker

Q. was that person Clarkson?
A. Laughter

Q. What happened to the Orb?
A. It's energy was depleted

Q. Why couldn't the ship dock?
A. Because a harpy patrols the coast

Q. Oh god his arms
A. They are covered in blood


Q. What is in your glass?
A. Just tap water and blood. Mostly blood

Q. What is in the blood?
A. Herons

Q. What is worst nightmare?
A. Skin come off, slugs underneath

Q. What is best dream?
A. Moon plummets towards Earth, world torn apart in beautiful explosion

Q. speaking of which, Spielberg is remaking When Worlds Collide. I wonder if
A. it will be good! It probably won't be good

Q. How many days is it until the sun reaches the end of its main sequence cycle?
A. An endless number of days. (approximately 5 billion x 365 days)

Q. What is Jim Davidsons favourite type of tea?
A. A very normal conservative kind of tea

Q. What do you call Jim Davidsons son?
A. Sonny Jim (Son of Jim Davidson)

Q. What is Jim Davidson
A. Clarkson's knacked son

Q. What is Clarkson's favourite food
A. warm cake

Q) Why did the rapist cross the road?
A) To get to the rape convention on the other side

Q) What did the big rapist say to the little rapist?
A) "You're too young to smoke!" (The rapist was smoking. Also, he was too young to smoke)

Q. What happens if you strike a child across the face with your belt
A. It obeys

Q. What do you call Chinese prostitute
A. , because it means 'woman of prostitution' in Chinese language

Q. Wiches are the best things ever
A. I love wiches

Q. Whats the best thing to have ever happened?
A. Moon landings

Q. What would Elvin do?
A. Absolutely anything

Q. What was Jabba's Palace called?
A. Jabba's Palace

Q. Have you got a hunchback?
A. No

Q. What did the man say when he landed on the moon?
A. This is one small step for man, but one giant leap for mankind

Q. What is the moon made out of?
A. moon rock

Q. Why did they call moon rock moon rock?
A. It was a mistake

Q. If scientists drilled into the moon, what would they find?
A. Heaven

Q. If you drilled into heaven what would happen?
A. Power cut

Q. What was in the bombay mix I bought from tescos the other day?
A. Fucking coconut

Q. Why was there coconut in the bombay mix I bought the other day?
A. Nobody knows

Q. Did I still eat the entire packet of bombay mix in one go, cramming into my mouth with wanton abandon despite the coconut?
A. Yes

Q. What is coconut like as an ingredient in bombay mix?
A. Rubbish

Q. Who won the Olympics?
A. Hunchback

Q. Who else won the Olympics?
A. Everyone who took part? Also, some more hunchbacks

Q. Why did so many Hunchbacks win?
A. Inexplicably quick

Q. Did any hunchbacks fall over?
A. Yes

Q. Whats the best thing you can say to a hunchback?
A. I like your hunchback

Q. Who is the best hunchback in the world?

Q. Who is second best hunchback in the world?

Q. Hunchback
A. hahahahaa

Q. Why haven't I mentioned hunchback at the olympics by software projects? A. I don't want to reveal my plagiarism

Q. Whats the best thing about plagiarism?
A. Lesko

Q. Whats wrong with Lesko?
A. Brain

Q. Is Lesko a hunchback
A. Yes

Q. When Lesko went to see the priest what did he say?
A. I'm sorrry for killing all those women

Q. What did the priest say?
A. Ahahahahahaha ;_) Then he removed his mask, revealing homfruus

Q. Then he throttled Lesko
A. With both hands

Q. What did Lesko say while he was being throttled by homfru?
A. Nothing, he was being throttled

Q. What happens if you look into david's eyes?
A. You never recover

Q. What david was I talking about?
A. All of them

Q. What was wrong with David Attenborough?
A. Willowing

Q. What was wrong with Richard Attenborough?
A. Hunchback

Q. What did Roger Ebert think of Richard Attenbourough?
A. He thought he was a midget wearing a muppets head.

Q. Which muppet was it?
A. Dead muppet

Q. Why was the muppet dead?
A. It tried to work out whetehr Ebert was a man or a woman?

Q. What sex is Roger Ebert?
A. Hunchback

Q. Why doesn't Roger Ebert understand any film he sees?
A. Hunchback

Q. What happens if you punch a woman in the stomach?
A. She gives birth to a hunchback

Q. What happens if you kiss a hunchback?
A. Jail

Q. That doesn't sound fair
A. Shut up hunchback

Q. Who wishes we were at war with Iran?
A. America

Q. Why do they think that would be a good idea?
A. They hate hunchbacks

Q. Who should be the next presenter of gamelife?
A. A Downs with a hunchback

Q. What happened when I found out that the reason my speakers have not worked properly for three months was because I had turned the balance all the way round so the sound only come out of the back speakers?
A. Embarrassed grin

Q. What was von blubba supposed to be?
A. A Baron

Q. Why did the hunchback die
A. Massive disappointment

Q: WHAT is differnce between a woman and a computer?

Q. Who watches the watchmen?
A. Watchmen watchers

Q. Who watches the watchmen watchers?
A. Terald

Q. Who watches Terald?
A. He cannot be seen

Q. What is David McPipehelm's favourite weapon?
A. hammer

Q. What is his second favourite weapon?
A. meteor hammer

Q) What do you call a monk with no eyes?
A) No-eye monk

Q) What do you get if you cross a large monk with a small monk?
A) Several medium-sized monks

Q) Doctor! Doctor! I think I'm a monk!
A) You are a monk...
Q) I am?! Hooray!

Q) What's the difference between a monk and a Rhinoceros Beetle?
A) There are several differences. Firstly, the Rhinoceros Beetle is protected by a thick, chitinous exoskeleton while the monk is not. Secondly, the Rhinoceros Beetle has six legs whereas the monk has only two. Thirdly, the Rhinoceros Beetle has an open circulatory system and breathes via trachea - this contrasts with the monk, in which a closed circulatory system carries oxygenated blood from the lungs to metabolically-active tissues, returning carbon-dioxide-enriched blood to the lungs where the carbon dioxide can exit the circulatory system by passive diffusion.

an englishman an irishman and a scotsman go into a bar, the englishman starts screaming and screaming, eventually it turns out the irishman had been stabbing him throughout the evening

Q. A woman gets her head trapped in the doors of a lift
A. A businessman on a different floor presses the call button
A. The woman's head is severed

Q. A man killed a frog
A. Many years later he was murdered, some say by a giant humanoid frog creature

Q. Can you tell me about the french band Billy Ze Kick?
A. To the non French-speaking world information about them is difficult to come by

Q. Do you remember when david n guy kissed a hunchback?
A. The hunchback was his mother

Q. A black man and an ape are fighting
A. Afterwards the ape says "You win this round"

Q. What happened to hag
A. Flew so fast that the flesh was stripped from her face

Q. Why did the wolf howl at the moon?
A. It was a cry for its lost lover

Q. How did the vampire dance?
A. It slipped on some blood

Q. Where does Beak-Man live?
A. Shaman's hut

Q. What happened to Princess Diana?
A. Fell into a swamp

Q. Why are Kurt Russell's eyes really small and close together
A. Accuracy

Q. What caused the death of Helen Daniels
A. Cancer
Q. What was the real reason
A. Rape

Q. How large can giants get?
A. 80 ft.

Q. What is Elton John's real name
A. Elton Pisscress

Q. What is the best film about the Beatles
A. The one with Stephen Dorff in

Q. What is the best film with Stephen Dorff in?
A. That one about the beatles

Q. How do you prevent a Dead Egg Scenario
A. There is no way to prevent a Dead Egg Scenario

Q. What happened when Simon jumped out of the window?
A. He broke his legs, wrist

Q. Why did Grandad kill himself
A. Nan's face too knacked

Q. What is the only way to survive the Dead Egg Scenario?
A. Find new egg

Q. Where is the egg?
A. Nestled beneath eiffel tower

Q. No really where is the egg
A. Geostationary orbit

Q. What is a wolf's favourite food?
A. can't remember

Q. Why did the pegremlt apply for the pangranisation course?
A. Pegresssssssssssssssssssssssss

Q. What would you do if you found a tiny woman, an inch high?
A. Pull off her tits with tweezers

Q. What was Stephen Dorff's finest moment?
A. When he was in that film with the Beatles

Q. What would you do if you found a tiny woman, an inch high?
A. Punch her through a window

Q. What would you do if you punched a tiny woman who was an inch high through a window?
A. Go and find her

Q. What would you do if you found a tiny woman, an inch high?
A. Drown her in saliva

Q. When they finally caught the rapist what did he say his name was
A. Frank Eldritch

Q. What are the Austrians
A. A more sinister version of the Germans

Q. What is the best parallel universe
A. The one where guns fire laughter

Q. When you go in a public toilet for a wee do you wee off the bits of poo stuck to the bowl to 'clean it up a bit'?
A. Yes

Q. The other day I went into the public toilets
A. And it was only a single urinal and no other toiltes at all

Q. Did you complain to the owners?
A. No, I just urinated and then left

Q. If you could ask a man what his favourite thing was what would he say?
A. He would say nothing because he would be thinking

Q. What is the best Ben Affleck film?
A. Electric Man

Q. If you stopped what you were doing right now and looked out the window how many wolves could you see?
A. You could see 14 wolves

Q. Why was Stephen Dorff in a film about the Beatles
A. He had always liked the Beatles

Q. What was his performance like
A. Electrifying

Q. What was it about the beatles that Stephen Dorff liked the most?
A. That a film was made about them

Q. What was the best bit of the film about the beatles, starring Stephen Dorff?
A. The bit where Bicentenial Man plays the piano with the little girl (Stephen Dorff)

Q. What is the best Ben Affleck film?
A. Metal Man

Q. Why did Jonathan King say that everyone had gone to the moon?
A. He hoped that everyone else would "follow", but asphyxiate in the moon's thin atmosphere. Later he would collect the corpses of the children, and then bum them

Q. What is the best thing about Ben Affleck?
A. Massive head

Q. What is the best thing about Jonathan King?
A. He is a paedophile

Q. Why was Brian Eno so attractive?
A. Looked like woman with bald patch

Q. Why is it that there is more land in the northern hemisphere?
A. Earth faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat

Q. What came out of the man's bum
A. The biggest and most frightening poo you have ever seen

Q. How can you tell shemale from female?
A. Shemale has long penis, and bouncing, pendulous breasts

Q. What was Earth like after the Dead Egg Scenario
A. A scarred wasteland, inhabited by mutoid zombite babies and knacked old wiches

Q. Did you hear the one about the PS3
A. Ironically it didn't sell very many units as it was a bit rubbish

Q.What happened in the future?
A. Absolutely everything

Q. What do call a man who trips over a dog and falls into a hole and then drowns and dies?
A. The authorities are waiting until they have informed his relatives before releasing his name.

Q. What is thebest thing about the early 90s
A. The way the fashions were like the late 80s, but slightly different

Q. Why did Chris Langham look at child pornography
A. Because he thought it was brilliant

Q. What prison will Chris Langham go to
A. The Prison of Death

Q. Why did Raz rape the woman
A. Because she would never have had sex with him otherwise

Q. What did he do afterwards
A. Made a little hat out of one of her ubbs

Q. What happened when David went to the sea side?
A. He sat down on some seaweed and then a squid bit him

Q. Who is the most beautiful man in the world?
A. Shaun Hutson

Q. Who is the second most beautiful man in the world?
A. Mark Hamill

Q. Who is the third most beautiful man in the world?
A. Woman

Q. What is the best thing to have on your lip?
A. Carnivorous Slug

Q. What happened when Shaun Hutson tried to kiss the woman
A. [punchline deleted]

Q. How come the blood never stopped dripping?
A. Quantum anomaly

Q. What is the scariest thing in the world?
A. Dolls

Q. What happened to Andy Eggmilk's ass
A. It flared open like an octopus's mouth
Q. Why
A. Because he was originally called Andy Bell from Erasure

Q. Why did the cloning of Hitler not work properly
A. Not enough sperm

Q. What happened when the man laughed?
A. He did not recognise the sound, and became frightened

Q. Why did McPipehelm tear off the ogrus's anushole
A. He couldn't work out what it was for

Q. Why is Timbo so tall?
A. Jaws Embiggening Disease (also causes brain seeps)

Q. What is wrong with Stan Lee?
A. Everything

Q. What did Hitler say to the Nazi Hunter, just before he shot Hitler in the face

Q. What did Hitler mean to say, but didn't, due to his debiliatating Tourette's Syndrome affliction?
A. "Hello, would you like to look around my castle?"

Q. Why did Hitler kiss the ogrus on the bottom and then wink at the camera
A. Because he was a horrible gay

Q. What did Hitler understand by the term "Gay"?
A. Nothing, because he did not speak english and there is no word in german called gay

Q. Why did Hitler commit suicide?
A. secretly gay

Q) What did the ogrus say when the titwitch poked him in the face-anus (eye)?
A) "face-anus"'ve got my face-anus on you!

Q. Why did the man rape his son
A. His son looked like a beautiful woman

Q. Why did the girl rape man's ass
A. Because she wished their genders were swapped

Q. Why were his hands covered in blood?
A. He was a butcher

Q) Why was his suitcase full of blood
A) Blood salesman

Q. Why was he afraid of blood?
A. He once saw some blood

Q) Why were his pants covered in blood?
A) He accidentally put blood into the washing machine instead, of fabric softener. Also, profuse bleeding from the anus.

Q. Why did he say his name was blood?
A. Aphasia

Q) What did the big Father Christmas say to the little Father Christmas?
A) Nothing. He just slapped him across the face and spat in his mouth. And then kicked him down the stairs.

Q) Why did Father Christmas cross the road?
A) He saw a dead cat on the other side, and wanted to poke it with a stick.

Q. Daddy, what special occasion can we have to celebrate 1000 jokk
A. Space joke.

Q. Daddy, there is a meteorite heading straight for our ship, and our deflectors are inoperative! What do!
A. Son, there is only one thing too do. I love you son, and I want us to be joined at the moment of impact.
Q. I love you too, daddy. When the vacuum consumes us we we be joined for all eternity, as my exploded anus will join your exploded pemsis
A. False alarm! The meteorite passed us by.
Q. Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep

Q) What is red?
A) Father Christmas's pants, blood, some cars, ready-salted crisps, jam, Mars, tomatoes, blood, apples, cherries, frankensteins,

Q. Whats Kill Bill's favourite film?
A. Kill Bill

Q. What is David Bowie's favourite dance?

Q) Why did The Queen punch the tramp in the stomach?
A) Because she just really hates tramps

Q) Why did the woman marry a hunchback?
A) Because she was drunk

Q. Doctor, I think I might be a monkey
A. Yes

Q. Why are pirates called pirates?
A. The English "pirate" is derived from the Latin term pirata, and ultimately from Greek peira () "attempt, experience", implicitly "to find luck on the sea". The word is also cognate to peril. In 17th and 18th century sources the word is often rendered "pyrate". However, the term does not exclusively relate to robbery committed at the sea, as other similar origins have a broader definition [2].

Q. what happendd to Blood Eric
A. he bled to deatha
Q. why
A. Blood Eric

Q. Simon why don't you come home?
A. Simon your mouth is bleeding

Q. You know when cats hiss?
A. Its because they are about to die

Q. Why is Beadle's throat like that
A. cancer