goaste production diary

Although it may look to the outside world as if goaste is just hastily produced rubbish, and that we've all spent the summer doing nothing except weep in frustration at the clouds, there is in fact a surprising amount of hard work going on behind the scenes. Our team of highly skilled professionals don't just stumble upon our award-winning jokes and our prize-winning artwork does not just appear from thin air.

Sometimes what you don't see is more important than what you do. It is for that reason that, for the first time, we reveal how goaste gets made.

goaste production diary

Day 1

Brainstorming session

Days 2-5

Ted Vaaaak retires to his workshop to work on the Ubbs Jokk

Days 6-15

Ted Vaaaak is on holiday

Day 16

9:30am Ted Vaaaak presents the prototype Ubbs Jokk
9:31am Cease and desist order received from the lawyers of Lulu
9:32am McPipehelm attacks Vaaaak with a chair

Days 17-19

Ted Vaaaak recovers in hospital

Day 20

Brainstorming session 2

Days 21-25

Ted Vaaaak works on Egg Jokk

Days 25-45

Ted Vaaaak on holiday
(Ted Vaaaak's lawyers insist that "holiday" is not a euphemism for "drug-fuelled bender")

Days 46

Ted Vaaaak presents prototype Egg Jokk

Days 47-56

Focus groups test Egg Jokk

Days 57-93

Results from focus groups passed to CERN for further analysis.

Day 94

CERN analysis reveals that Egg Jokk exists outside of time. Egg jokk shelved.

Brainstorming session 3

Days 95-105

Vaaaak works on new jokk.

Days 105-362

Vaaaak is on holiday
(Ted Vaaaak's lawyers would like to point out that "Holiday" is not a euphemism for "Being locked up her majesty's pleasure for stalking Hedwig from the Harry Potter Books")

Day 363

Ted Vaaaak presents new prototype.

Days 364-401

Crack team of North Korean animators work on producing the final version. There are 56 casualties.

Day 402

The final product is released on an unsuspecting internet

Day 403

Audience reaction received: "I'm not clicking on that!"
Ted Vaaaak is never seen again.