Gunther's Needle Factory is hiring

You could work at Gunther's Needle Factory!

What qualifications do I need to work at your needle factory?

As long as you're not afraid of needles, you're qualified. If you positively like needles you're overqualified!

Can I afford it? I heard that it can be quite expensive working in a needle factory.

On the contrary: here at Gunther's Needles we pay you to work for us!

Is Gunther a real person or just the name of the company?

Gunther is a real person.

What practices are at play in your needle factory? I read about a needle factory where practices were at play to which I would not want to be a party?

We read about that too; here at Gunther's Needle Factory we do not personally perform such practices and we take precautions to prevent our people from being party to such practices either. If a needle producer in your parish permits or perhaps promotes such particular practices during production or in proximity of its premises, please promptly phone the PPP on .

Is Gunther his first name or his surname?

It is his surname.

Can I meet him?


But isn't it scary working in a needle factory?

Very rarely, and even if you do think you see a ghost then you can simply ask your supervisor for a transfer to the day shift.

What metal do you use?


To make the needles: what metal do you use?

Only the finest quality ores and gypsum go into the metal for Gunther's Needles.

Is it dangerous to work in an needle factory?

Not at all, Gunther's Needle Factory conforms to all relevant H&S standards. In fact it's "safe" to say that your day would get no more dangerous than driving to work itself and walking across the gantry over the needle trough!

Would I see him walking around the factory?


Mr Gunther

Oh. maybe.

Is his office close to this office?

Yes, but he's not in today, he's on a business trip.

I've worked in needle factories in the past and after only a few days became listless, eventually leading to me having morbid thoughts.

Unlike other needle factories Gunther's Needles supplies a wide variety of needle gauges to all over the world, so you're sure to find yourself constantly stimulated, challenged and fulfilled.

Do Gunther's needles make their way to the streets of Glasgow per chance?

Gunther's Needles are proud to be a cornerstone of Glasgow's historic textile industry. Any use of Gunther's Needles Novelty Needle Conversion Kit (for novelty purposes only) to convert Gunther's Needles Textile Needles Size 3 into Opioid Syringes Size 3 is outside of Gunther's Needles corporate responsibility.

What is the biggest needle Gunther has ever made?

Mr Gunther does not make any needles personally, but Gunther's Needles once made a needle approaching 9.7. So: ?9.7

Has Gunther ever strapped an enormous needle to his waist, then spent an afternoon cavorting around the factory, playfully thrusting the needle at his employees?

Though he indeed has a playful side, Mr Gunther rarely interacts with his employees directly.

Has anyone ever said "Laputan Machine" to Gunther to see if he would explode?

Seven. He failed to explode on each occasion.

Does Gunther believe in the "perfect" needle?

As a concept the Platonic "perfect" needle is never far from Mr Gunther's thoughts, however he once in an unguarded moment told me that to actually gaze upon one would "destroy [him] totally".

What would happen if I came into your factory and slapped Gunther, knocking off his glasses, then pulled out a needle and s-l-o-w-l-y pushed it into his right eyeball, just underneath the pupil?

Mr Gunther does not wear glasses. You are thinking about maiming our Marketing Manager.

If he were really pressed, what would Gunther say was his favourite thing about needles?

He wouldn't take much pressing, I can assure you! Mr Gunther constantly cite needle's "Lucidity of purpose" as their crowning attraction.

Do you have a canteen?

Yes, we have a very popular staff restaurant. You may als-
-may also bring your own food from home if you wish.


He won't respond.


He's not actually in his office today, he won't respond to you.

He won't respond.