James Bond: Licenced to Grill - script extracts

Deep in evil DAVID MCPIPEHELM's lair in Hull

DAVID MCPIPEHELM: And now you die, Mr Bond. Any last requests?
James Bond: Yes, could I have some Chicken Kievs?
DAVID MCPIPEHELM: I don't see why not. I could use the time to tell you my secret plan in detail.
James Bond: Excellent.



DAVID MCPIPEHELM and James Bond are sat at the kitchen table in the DINING ROOM area of the MCPIPEHELM lair. Behind him you can just make out a door to another room.

DAVID MCPIPEHELM: And that is how I will destroy the worlds supply of computer chips. Everyone in the whole universe will have to buy time on my Dragon 32. I will charge them a million pouns per calculation. Ah, and here are our chicken kievs. Well, tuck in Mr Bond. This will be the last meal of your life. For, you see, I'm going to cut you in half with that elaborate laser and mirror set up I have in the LASER AND MIRROR ROOM.

James Bond jabs his fork into the Chicken Kiev, causing lava hot juices to fly into DAVID MCPIPEHELM's eyes.


James Bond: Hahaha!

DAVID MCPIPEHELM flails around blindly. He kicks open the door behind him, and stumbles in. As the door swings back we hear it lock, and then see a close up of the name plate just above the handle: THE HELL ROOM

James Bond: See you in Hull (Hell), MCPIPEHELM!