My Arch Enemy's The Prime Minister

Scene: A busy pub, in London. John Major sits, alone, at a small table close to the bar. He is sipping from a cup of tea, and occasionally nibbles on a crumbling digestive biscuit. Tony Blair enters.

Tony Blair strides up to the bar, purposefully. He is flanked by two midgets in suits.

Tony Blair: Barman, I would like to order a pot of tea. Three cups, please. Come on, I've got a country to run!
While the barman prepares the pot of tea, Tony scans the patrons of the bar.

Tony Blair: WAIT! What is the meaning of this? Barman! BARMAN! What's that man doing here?
: That's your sworn enemy and arch nemesis, John Major. He's drinking a cup of tea.
Tony Blair
: Impossible! Then... then I cannot drink tea also. People would think I am going soft! Fetch me a pint of bitter.

The barman places a tray on the bar, containing a pot of tea, three china cups, and a plate of chocolate hobnobs. Tony looks at the tray, snarls, and sweeps his arm across the bar - sending the tray flying. The majority of the piping hot tea hits Parliamentary Midget 1 in the face. He falls to the floor, screaming and clutching his face. Tony grimaces, and stamps on Parliamentary Midget 1 until he stops twitching.

Tony Blair: You... made... me... do... this. You ALL shall pay!

John Major, silent until now, stands up.

John Major: Anthony! Turn and face me. I will not stand by and watch you trample midgets to death. Not today.
Tony Blair

Tony's face is bright red, and he strides over to where Major stands. He looks him directly in the eye, and emits a fearsome groaning sigh. Parliamentary Midget 2 has not followed him, as he is trying to have sex with a bar stool.

John Major: Your midgets have deserted you! Without them, what power do you have? When I was Prime Minister, I never allowed my midgets to leave my side. And I had 5 of them! And they drove a tank! You're a rubbish Prime Minister, Tony Blair. Rubbish! And, remember: I had the original idea of having midgets to help! And... and... I had the original idea of being Prime Minister! Before you did!

Tony Blair explodes. The barman crowns John Major the King Of Parliament, and he rules the country. Until next week's episode of My Arch Enemy's The Prime Minister - when he is overthrown by Stalin.

My Arch Enemy's The Prime Minister is currently showing on CBBC at 4:25 pm every Monday, Wednesday and Friday.