Ted Vaaaak (1943-2005)

The decayed remains of now-legendary author Ted Vaaak have been found in a small hut, east of Loughborough.

Vaaaak, the author of works such as "The Last One Finishes 10th", and creator of a series of paintings which were politely rejected by Buckingham Palace, was previously believed to have been killed in mysterious circumstances in Germany, in mid-2005. Eyewitness at the time claim he "Vanished like a slug".

Vaaaak's neighbour - Mr R. Singh - isn't surprised that Vaaaak's remains were found hundreds of miles from his place of (albiet apparant) death: "He was always crawlin', ha ha ha", the 39 year old dementia inflicted shopkeeper says.

Followers of Vaaaak's, who have been heavily influenced by his work, include JK Rowling, Damien Hirst, and Radio head. However, all have said that Vaaaak is less of a 'legend', and more of a 'myth', with the exception of Rowling, who claimed Ted Vaaaak was a 'state of mind'.

Ted Vaaak bibliography

Between 1962 and 1980, Ted Vaaak made a living from writing pulp fiction for a variety of publishers, and under a variety of names. A full record of his works has yet to be compiled. His best known works from this period are his World War 2 spy novels (starring Alan Turing), published under his real name.

Throughout the 1980's, Vaaaak refused to publish any novels, famously stating that he would only resume writing when Marlon Brando resumed acting. Ted Vaaaak returned to novel writing in the early 1990's after watching Christopher Columbus: The Discovery. He was greeted with as much indifference as respect.

I Once Had A Hammer (1993)
Marshall, Why Don't You Put Down The Pipe? (1993)
Return Of The Hammer (1994)
Hammer: A Brief Essay (1995)
I've Had Enough Of You And Your Angles (1996)
Ah, Nuts (1997)
The Last One Finishes 10th (1998)
The Hammer Omnibus (1999)*
Good God, What's Going On? (2001)
Glug Glug Glug (2002)
Ouch, My Left Forearm (2003)
The Complete Vaaaak (2004, originally believed to be a posthumous collection)

*Between 1998 and 2001, Vaaaak produce no new literature, so the Hammer Omnibus was released as a stopgap.