Watchmen script sneak preview


Tom Cruise as Veidt
Jude Law as Rorschach
Nic Cage as Dreiberg
Ricky Gervais as The Comedian
Jessica Alba as Laurie
And a CGI Christoper Reeve as Jon Osterman and Dr. Manhattan

Professor: I'm sorry, Jon Osterman. The door is timelocked. There is no way to reverse the process.

Jon Osterman (from within box): oh no!

Janey Slater: Hahahaha! Is this going to hurt him?

Professor: I dunno it might

There is a blinding flash of light

Jon Osterman rolls out of the box, fat

Sequence of Rorschach cheekily riding his moped down the road, interspersed with images of Rorschach leaving lots of different women's houses, cheekily.

This is followed immediately with a scene with Veidt which establishes that he is definitely heterosexual

Veidt: I wonder who could be killing off these superheroes? Someone evil, no doubt

Veidt's guards appear. They are dressed as Nazi's. They salute Veidt, in unison, and then march off down the corridor. Veidt waxes his little moustache.


Dreiberg: Oh god, Rorschach. They killed Hollis
Rorschach: Hahahaha, wait, they thought he was you? Hahahhaha! That's really clever

Veidt removes his mask, revealing himself to be Korean. The Comedian shoots him in the face. Rorschach and The Comedian high-five.

Rorschach and The Comedian: Yes!

Silk Spectre I: I'm glad you raped me, Comedian

Rorschach: You want to know why I'm the way I am, Doctor? You want to know what makes me tick? Very well I'll tell you

Flashback to Rorschach's childhood. A park full of children. Rorschach's mother hands him an ice cream. As he goes to lick it, the end falls off onto the floor.

Rorschach's Mother: Oh no! Sorry Rorschach, I don't have enough change for another.

The camera zooms in on young Rorschach's face, as he stares straight out at the viewer.

Cut to: modern day. Adult Rorschach stares at the camera, a disturbing smile playing about lips.

Cut to: the Doctor's face - his mouth hangs open in horror

Dreiberg: Laurie please do not smoke in the owlship

[Laurie puts out a cigarette on one of his fat tits]


Dreiberg: I'm going to activate the owlship's screamers now, Laurie. Cover your ears


[Dreiberg staggers blindly around, blood pumping from his eyes and ears. Laurie lays on the floor, dead]

Veidt: Goddamnit this world needs SAVIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING

Rorschach: Not so fast, loser!

A ninjitsu fight sequence begins

Dreiberg: I mean, when was this supposed black fantasy supposed to happen? When were you planning to do it?
Veidt: "Do it?" Dan, I'm not a republic serial villian. Do you seriously think I'd explain my master stroke if there remained the slightest chance of you affecting the outcome?

(silent pause)

Veidt: I did it thirty five minutes ago
Laurie: *gasp*!
Rorschach: Ah, but there's one thing you're forgetting, Veidt
Veidt: I haven't forgotten anything
Rorschach: Except to change your watch. We crossed into a different time zone. Your watch is wrong. It won't happen for another... 25 minutes
Veidt: Oh not again

Manhattan: Where are you going?
Rorschach: Back to owlship. Back to America. Evil must be punished. People must be told
Manhattan: Rorschach... You know I can't let you do that.
Rorschach: Of course. Must protect Veidt's Utopia. One more body amongst foundations makes little difference. Well? What are you waiting for? Do it

Doctor Manhattan prepares to disentegrate Rorschach. Suddenly, Laurie appears

Laurie: Jon! No! Rorschach... I love him. I've always loved him. Even when I was with you. You can't do this. You can't kill him

She runs to Rorschach. They kiss, for what seems like forever.

Dr Manhattan flies away to Mars

Rorschach turns to the camera and removes his mask. Underneath is another mask, on which is written: 'WATCHMEN 2?' The camera WHOOSHES into it with a WHOOMPHING sound. Cut to credits, accompanied by "Cutting Arm In Room Of Black" by My Chemical Romance