Doctor Who - new episode scripts

Episode 1 - Endings and Beginnings

The Doctor is strolling along a beach in Wales

The Doctor: Oh, my! I don't feel too good. I think I'm having ... a ... heart attack.

The Doctor dies, suddenly. A spectacular special effects sequence shows his regeneration into the new Doctor Who.

A young girl walks along the beach, towards the slowly rising Doctor

The Doctor: Hello! I am the new, serious Doctor.

Young girl: Sorry, Doctor who?

The Doctor: Yes. And who are you?

Young girl: I'm a young girl. Hello!

The Doctor: Ah, I see. Would you like to travel with me? We could fly through space and time together.

Young girl: Why, yes. That sounds jolly exciting.

The Doctor: Excellent. Let me show you to my spaceship.

The Doctor points towards a nearby police box

FADE OUT



Episode 2 - A tour of the TARDIS


The Doctor: Would you like to look around my TARDIS?

Young girl: Yes! Also, this spaceship appears to bigger inside than it is outside. How does that work?

The Doctor: Mysterious space magic.

Room 1: The Bus room


A cavernous room, containing lots of traditional London buses, all driving back and forth all over the place

The Doctor: I really do love the London Bus.

Room 2: The Pub room


A room which looks suspiciously like an empty English country pub

The Doctor: This is where I drink Ale. English Ale. Also, I listen to Radio 2. Terry Wogan makes me laugh. When I'm not being a serious actor.

Young girl: I'm a serious actor, too.

The Doctor: Actress, dear. You are a girl, you see.

Young girl: Oh!

Room 3: The Hell Room


The Doctor: Would you like a grape, young girl?

Young girl: Yes. Yes I would.

The Doctor: Well, why don't you take one. Form this bunch just here.

Young girl: Oh, its just out of reach.

The Doctor: Yes. For you see, this is the ... HELL ROOM!

Room 4: The Banyan Tree


The Doctor: God! I hate this room.

Room 5: The Control Room


The Doctor: And now we're back where we started. In the control room. Do you like the way the central column rises and falls? Rises and falls, for all eternity. Its almost hypnotic.

The Doctor falls asleep at the control desk

FADE OUT



Episode 3 - Enter the Master

The Doctor and his young female assistant are standing inside the TARDIS control room, when suddenly THE MASTER walks through the door.

The Master: Hello! I hate you, The Doctor. But I, The Master, have you now. I have parked my TARDIS inside your TARDIS, just to annoy you.

Young girl: Oh, no! Your evil, bearded nemesis is taunting you. Whatever can we do?

The Doctor: I know! I will park my TARDIS inside his TARDIS. That'll really annoy him!

The Doctor parks his TARDIS inside The Master's TARDIS.

The Doctor: Hurrah! Let's go and check out The Master's TARDIS.

The Doctor and his young assistant walk across the control room, turn left round the corner, through the door of The Master's TARDIS, across The Master's control room, turn right round the corner, through the door of the TARDIS, across the control room, turn left round the corner, through the door of The Master's TARDIS, across The Master's control room, turn right round the corner, through the door of the TARDIS, across the control room, turn left round the corner, through the door of The Master's TARDIS, across The Master's control room, turn right round the corner, through the door of the TARDIS, across the control room, turn left round the corner, through the door of The Master's TARDIS, across the Master's control room, turn right round the corner, through the door of the TARDIS...

FADE OUT



Episode 4 - Holidays in the sun

The Doctor: Now that The Master has gone away, one supposes we need to go on holiday.

Young Girl: Lets go somewhere cheap in Britain. You do so love the English.

The Doctor: OK.

Young Girl: I'll set the coordinates, then.

The Doctor: No need, my young assistant. Let me show you my special holiday room.

The Doctor and his young assistant step through the door of the holiday room.


The Doctor: This room contains an exact lifesize replica of 1960's Britain. Except without any people, so everywhere looks really eerie, almost as if everything has been filmed at 5 o'clock in the morning, before anyone is awake. Except for that milkman over there in the background, driving along that country lane.

Young Girl: Oh, The Doctor. Its beautiful. And eerie, too.

FADE OUT



Episode 5 - The Death of Dr Who



The Doctor enters the control room, followed by his young assistant. Inside the control room is Eddie Izzard.

The Doctor: Who are you?

Eddie Izzard: I'm..er..why..I'm The Nurse. Yes. That'll do.

The Doctor: Oh, hello. Why are you here?

The Nurse: Er, no reason. Oh look, the sun is about to burst in a supernova type explosion. We better stop it. And save the universe. Well, Earth and all its inhabitants.

The Doctor: Implosion. Also: but how?

Young Girl: Why don't we take the sun, put it in the Sun room in the tardis, go and dump it somewhere, then go back in time, steal a healthy sun, and bring that here, and replace the new sun with it?

The Doctor: That might just work.

The Nurse: Yes. It might. (It won't, stupid fools. Sometimes I can't believe how stupid I used to be. And how serious too.). Yes. It might work.

They go and do all this stuff, and it looks like its going to work. But then, something explodes, fatally wounding Dr Who.

The Doctor: Oh no.. I'm dying..oh no...

He dies, and in a really big twist, regenerates into...Eddie Izzard.

The Doctor: Hello!

The Nurse (who is really Dr Who): Hello!

Young Girl: Oh! So you were Dr Who all along? Then you knew this would happen!

The Nurse (who is really Dr Who, but from the future): Yes! Sorry about that. Now lets save the universe.

The Doctor: Yes! Lets!

They finish their plan, and save Earth and all its inhabitants.

The Doctor (from the future): I must go now! Goodbye!

The Doctor (from the present): I will be seeing you soon, I expect!

The Doctor (from the future): No! You will be seeing yourself soon. Hahahahaha!

Young Girl: I don't understand!

The Doctor and The Doctor in unison: Hahahahahaha!

The Doctor from the future then climbs into the TARDIS (from the future) which he had parked in the corner of the room, and hidden behind some sheets and pots of paint.

The TARDIS wheezes away. Followed by the other TARDIS wheezing away.