goaste production diary

Although it may look to the outside world as if goaste is just hastily produced rubbish, and that we've all spent the summer doing nothing except weep in frustration at the clouds, there is in fact a surprising amount of hard work going on behind the scenes. Our team of highly skilled professionals don't just stumble upon our award-winning jokes and our prize-winning artwork does not just appear from thin air. Sometimes what you don't see is more important than what you do. It is for that reason that, for the first time, we reveal how goaste gets made.

goaste production diary Day 1 Brainstorming session Days 2-5 Ted Vaaaak retires to his workshop to work on the Ubbs Jokk Days 6-15 Ted Vaaaak is on holiday Day 16 9:30am Ted Vaaaak presents the prototype Ubbs Jokk 9:31am Cease and desist order received from the lawyers of Lulu 9:32am McPipehelm attacks Vaaaak with a chair Days 17-19 Ted Vaaaak recovers in hospital Day 20 Brainstorming session 2 Days 21-25 Ted Vaaaak works on Egg Jokk Days 25-45 Ted Vaaaak on holiday (Ted Vaaaak's lawyers insist that "holiday" is not a euphemism for "drug-fuelled bender") Days 46 Ted Vaaaak presents prototype Egg Jokk Days 47-56 Focus groups test Egg Jokk Days 57-93 Results from focus groups passed to CERN for further analysis. Day 94 CERN analysis reveals that Egg Jokk exists outside of time. Egg jokk shelved. Brainstorming session 3 Days 95-105 Vaaaak works on new jokk. Days 105-362 Vaaaak is on holiday (Ted Vaaaak's lawyers would like to point out that "Holiday" is not a euphemism for "Being locked up her majesty's pleasure for stalking Hedwig from the Harry Potter Books") Day 363 Ted Vaaaak presents new prototype. Days 364-401 Crack team of North Korean animators work on producing the final version. There are 56 casualties. Day 402 The final product is released on an unsuspecting internet Day 403 Audience reaction received: "I'm not clicking on that!" Ted Vaaaak is never seen again.